By Thomas A. Parmalee

What started as a simple book club has grown into a whole lot more thanks to nine women who saw the opportunity to support each other – and others like them – in a much more meaningful way.

Erin Creger, chief sales officer of Envision Strategic Partners, a preneed marketing firm, started connecting with other women online during the COVID-19 pandemic.

“Most of us in this industry are social creatures – we thrive on helping families,” she said, noting that it was a struggle when everyone was isolated.

She ended up chatting with Olga Piehler, vice president of customer care at OpusXenta, a technology provider that serves funeral homes, who formerly worked at the funeral division at Eterneva. The two met for a virtual coffee, which turned into a virtual happy hour with other women in the profession.

Soon, a couple dozen women were meeting regularly, and they represented the entire profession: funeral homes, preneed insurance companies, funeral home marketers, monument companies and more.

They all had one thing in common: A desire to support other women in the profession as well as a zest for professional development – and they started the Women in Funeral Service Book Club. The read and talked about books like “Atlas of the Heart” by Brene Brown, “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande, “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” by Emily Nagoski, “Wolfpack” by Abby Wambach and “Bittersweet” by Susan Cain.

At the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association’s Annual Convention and Expo in March 2022, some of the women met in person at Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.

That ICCFA event where the women met for breakfast changed everything, Creger said. “Some of these women I met for the first time in person,” she said. When she raised the idea of perhaps making the loose-knit group something a bit more official – and perhaps even something with a larger purpose, she felt “a little vulnerable,” she said. “They could have said no – that it is weird to need more friends.”

But everyone agreed it was a great idea, with one of the women saying, “We need a girl gang,” Creger said. Shortly thereafter, nine of them met — they would become the founding members of the Death Care Collective.

The members of the Death Care Collective are passionate about connecting and lending support to each other.

One of the reasons the women wanted to expand their mission, Creger said, was to foster a larger sense of connection. Sometimes, larger organizations tend to silo their own people, she said. “The SCI people know the SCI people and the Park Lawn people know the Park Lawn people. It’s not intentional and it’s not malicious, but you tend to know the people in your bubble.”

She continued, “We just thought that there was a little bit of a need for women to connect with one another for support,” Creger said. “So many women are coming into this profession, but it is still male dominated.”

In addition to Creger and Piehler the founding group included Sandra Walker, chief operating officer, Fairmount Memorial Association; Shannon Bischoff, vice president of operations for Pinnacle Funeral Services; Jessica Lopez, vice president of 324 Creative Agency; Honnalora Hubbard, regional sales manager / Coldspring USA; Robyn Sechler, business development manager, GoodTrust; Jamie Dravecky, an account executive with Homesteaders Life Co.; and Tacye Vogel, national account manager at Eterneva and founder of Life Tribute Academy.

Before officially starting their group, however, they sent out a survey to about 85 women in their network and received 50 responses back. The input they received confirmed that they were not the only women in the profession who wanted more opportunities to connect with and support each other, Creger said.

“They were screaming from the rooftops, ‘Yes, we need more support, we need more connection – we feel isolated and burnt out,’” Creger said. “We felt validation that we were not alone, and we said, let’s just start this – even though we all had very full-time jobs and were from different areas of the country and with different companies. We just kind of bootstrapped this and put in our own money.”

Introducing the Death Care Collective

The organization they founded in July 2022 – the Death Care Collective – has more than 500 followers on LinkedIn and on Facebook. While the group is focused on helping women, men also contribute to the group either by participating online or contributing during on-site and virtual gatherings and events, Creger said.

“If you are following us and are part of our group and supporting us, you are a member,” Creger said, noting that there are no membership fees – and members are strongly discouraged from using the group to advertise their products or services. “A few people have said it is nice to be a part of a group where you don’t have to sell yourself or promote yourself,” she said. “The sheer purpose is connection.”

Creger added, “We knew early on that people would be judging our intentions … what is this and is there an ulterior motive? While we are very proud to be collaborating with groups and associations, we are very autonomous, and we will stay that way.”

Leaving the word “women” out of the Death Care Collective was a conscious decision, Creger said. They decided on the name in April, a few months before they officially introduced it to the profession.

“It does not represent anything against men,” she said. “It is creating a safe space where women can feel comfortable, sharing their wins or what they are struggling with – or a place to go if they just need candid advice.” She added, “We knew we didn’t want it to be a women’s group that had the word ‘woman’ in it. We talked about ‘funeral,’ but that doesn’t cover everything. We wanted everyone to feel welcome and be part of it. We probably went through thirty names and whittled it down to eight – and this one just felt like it described the purpose of the group and didn’t exclude anyone.”

Already, a number of men have become incredible supporters of the group, she said, including a couple speakers who have participated in virtual discussions on topics including “From Burnout to Fired Up,” “Empowerment through Negotiation: How to Ask for What You Want” and “Sisters & Spirits.”

“The goal is to support and empower women in the industry and make death care better for everyone,” Creger said. “Most men I talk to agree there is a need for that.”

Sometimes, however, men may not fully realize the challenges that women in the profession face.  For instance, many are single mothers struggling to juggle work-life balance. There are even practical matters, such as women who work at funeral homes that require them to wear skirts, which can be problematic because they don’t have pockets to carry car keys or other items they need as they do their work. “We need to have some honest conversations around that,” she said.

A Snapshot of the Profession

One of the things Creger loves about the Death Care Collective is that its members represent the entire profession. “We just have incredibly talented women donating their time, and we have not had to outsource anything, including social media,” she said.

As for funding the group’s activities, “We’ve done a few of pass the hats,” Creger said. The group also has received support from companies and associations, including the ICCFA, which offered two scholarships for Death Care Collective members to attend its next Dead Talks event. “We are incredibly grateful to Nadira Baddeliyanage, executive director of the ICCFA; Jim Price, president and chairman of the ICCFA Educational Foundation, and everyone from ICCFA,” Creger said.

Others have supported their cause as well, she said.

“We had a gathering for coffee at the National Funeral Directors Convention in Baltimore, and we had a few companies pitch in money as sponsors, and they were acknowledged as sponsors of the event,” she said. “There may be more opportunities for involvement and things like that down the road.”

While Creger has been asked about whether the organization will eventually collect dues, that’s something she’s not too keen on. “We want to be a place for strong, confident women and leaders in the industry, but I also want it to be a place for women who maybe aren’t feeling so strong or confident right now and who feel they don’t have a place where they belong,” she said. “Maybe there are women just starting out who don’t feel like they have anyone to turn to. We don’t want them to feel like, ‘Gosh, now I have to pay to be part of a group to help me out.’ We want everyone to feel welcome and included.”

Already, she feels the collective is making a meaningful difference.

“We had one gal say she was thinking about leaving the profession, but she found this group and decided to stay because she knows she’s not alone and that she is not the only one struggling,” Creger said.

Helping women succeed in the profession and sharing with them the possibilities that death care has to offer is part of what the collective is all about, Creger said.

“Women are naturally empathetic and compassionate, and when you hear this is something you can do for a living, many women are so drawn to that, but a lot of women, I think, never consider it,” Creger said. “But just like anything, the more people you see that look like you that are doing something interesting – it just opens the door to more of that. To get more women into the profession, we need to make sure it is safe. They need more training and support. The more we understand that as a profession, the better we will do.”

As to what she has personally taken away from being a member of the collective, Creger said it has reiterated that when it comes down to it, “relationships are the most important thing – that is everything,” she said. “Without those relationships, no one gets anywhere,” she said. “No one is successful on their own – and there is no exception to that rule. If you have big dreams, reach out to someone who can help you get there. Find people who can make you feel safe and be honest with you and build those relationships. There is never a time that won’t pay off.”

Moving forward, the Death Care Collective plans to hold at least a virtual event every month, such as the one it organized on negotiating. Books will still be a topic of conversation, Creger said, but probably on a quarterly instead of monthly basis. “Going forward, we want all of our discussions to be informative – we want our members to leave and take something with them,” she said.

Also, anytime members of the collective find themselves at an in-person gathering or convention, they will take that opportunity to connect, Creger said. The collective also plans to co-sponsor various events, lending marketing support to spread the word about events women in the profession should consider attending, Creger said. It may also contribute content and offer speakers to share insights about the profession as needed, she said.

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